Martin's French Hostage

[Intro]
Yeah, yeah
We was out in France, family of four
Summer vacation, but we got a lot more
Than we bargained for
Listen up, check it

[Verse 1]
Four of us packed up, landed in the South
Looking for the croissants, melting in your mouth
Me, the wife, the two kids, rolling down the street
Sunny French Riviera, everything was sweet
But the drama went down when we stopped at the square
An old French lady with some wild silver hair
Walked straight up to my dad, Martin was his name
Grabbed him by the sleeve, it wasn't no game
She spoke real fast in a dialect obscure
Martin looking frozen, yeah he wasn't really sure
She pulled him down the alley, kidnapped in broad daylight
The family was frantic, man, we gripped with stage fright
She took him to her house, unlocked the iron gate
Martin sweating bullets, thinking 'bout his fate

[Chorus]
Martin got snatched by a French grand-mère
Took him to her garden, but there's nothing really there
Just some grass, some trees, and a dog on the loose
Doing his business on the lawn, oh what's the use?
Yeah, Martin got snatched, what a holiday surprise
Nothing but the green grass under French skies
And a puppy pooping, yeah, that's the whole view
Welcome to France, Martin, what you gonna do?

[Verse 2]
He thought he was a goner, hostage in a cellar
Instead he's standing outside with this elderly feller's
Wife, pointing at the lawn like it's a masterpiece
"Regardez!" she shouted, as she let go of the lease
Martin looked around, squinting in the sun
Waiting for the trap, or a gangster with a gun
But it was just a patch of clover, oak trees tall and old
No hidden treasure, no silver and no gold
And right there in the middle, a little poodle named Pierre
Dropping presents on the grass without a single care
Martin stood confused, then he started to laugh
The most ridiculous kidnap on his holiday path
She just wanted a witness for her backyard scene
The strangest French hostage that you've ever seen

[Chorus]
Martin got snatched by a French grand-mère
Took him to her garden, but there's nothing really there
Just some grass, some trees, and a dog on the loose
Doing his business on the lawn, oh what's the use?
Yeah, Martin got snatched, what a holiday surprise
Nothing but the green grass under French skies
And a puppy pooping, yeah, that's the whole view
Welcome to France, Martin, what you gonna do?

[Outro]
Yeah, we found him ten minutes later
Standing by the dog, trying to be a spectator
Classic Martin, man
A family of four vacation
Never forget the French garden hostage situation
Peace!
[Fade Out]